Are you injured, sick, or have a disability? Or maybe, just have a body that comes up short in ways that affects your mental health, your struggle for happiness and wellbeing?  Maybe life feels too overwhelming, too sad at times?  Or instead, it’s relationships and a loneliness that’s suffocating, because what do you have to offer others? And you feel inadequate to handle all that life demands?

In other words,

Do you feel like you lost the genetic or life lottery, and maybe it will never get better?

Welcome to my world. 

Or what used to be my world…...

“You see, I was never supposed to make it.”

I was born in 1961… And I was born prematurely, by well over a month. There wasn’t a neo natal care unit in Baylor University hospital at that time. Because of preemie status, my skull was still developing. When the doctor used forceps to birth me, my brain was injured. I also had to have my blood RH factor reversed, literally having my blood drained and replaced. Well, 85-90% of it. It’s called a double volume exchange transfusion.

They told my parents, “Mr. and Mrs. Frame, he won’t make the day.”

But something that’s been constant in my life happened that day. People called on the Father to save me, in Jesus’ name. My mother, father, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins. Pastor. Friends. They had faith.

The first day past. Then the second. And the next. And the next. Miraculously, I was home in around 2 months.

I remember listening to a tape my dad had made:” Well, we’re just so glad to have the baby at home by Christmas!” It was my grandfather talking. About me. I was born October 2nd.

But there were the consequences. Left with brain damage, and resulting Cerebral Palsy. My right side was affected, as was my mouth, which is called expressive dysphasia. My right arm was left in a withered condition, but not totally useless. A HUGE blessing as I have gone through life and I’ve been able to develop it.

Early on, there wasn’t a clear understanding of what my intellectual capabilities would be. Speech classes, and testing, and visits to what was then called Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Crippled Children.

But wait, there’s more!  Asthma, with bad allergies, leading to shots and inhalers and a medicine dispensing machine with a mask that I had to use. Hated that thing. At a young age.

Life was tough. Often picked on, called names, and usually the last to be picked when it came to sports.  But God blessed me with a hard head. And friends, like Rob and Chris and John and Saudi and many others. And really, the best family. Period. Even my cousins were terrific. And thankfully, no mental handicap.  Development took time, but I did develop. Still can’t play the piano though.

Then, at twelve… herpes simplex hit my mouth so bad they put me in the hospital, after not eating for days. Doctors knew there was no real treatment.

So, they gave me penicillin… and … I was allergic.

Doctors once again told my parents I was going to die.  But the same faith that pulled me through at birth, was present again. My pastor, Bill Tisdale, of Casa View Baptist Church, who was supposed to be there to comfort my parents, prayed with the youth pastor over me for some time. The doctors couldn’t see what harm could come from it, as I was dying anyway. Two hours later, the fever broke. By the next night, the swelling and breakout was over. One more day in the hospital, then I was sent home.

I walked out alive.

At 22, I had my first kidney stone. I had a procedure, called a stone basket, to remove the stone. It was the start of years of problems. The worst culminated in 2015. I ignored back pain for some time; in fact, for several years. I figured injuries and the CP had taken its toll. But I started having fever more and more often. My regular physician would give me antibiotics, I’d get better, then a month or 2 later more fever. I mentioned my back pain, but was told to take a NSAID for it. Finally, I suggested that I go to see my urologist, because it had been several years.

I had put it off for six years actually… I laid on a machine, and a Tech slowly slid a diagnostic machine from my hip and scrotum area up my torso. He stopped, and told me he needed to get my doctor.  My doctor came in, looked at the screen for a minute or 2, and told me to see him as soon as the exam was finished.

Dr. Pat Fulgham was my urologist for many years. He had called me a stone making machine.

He told me that I needed surgery immediately, and that he would admit me into the hospital that night, and schedule the surgery for in the morning. I asked him just what was wrong. He said, “Mr. Frame, you have 14 kidney stones in your left kidney, and 8 in your right.” After the shock, we started talking. I eventually asked him if we could delay until Monday, so I could have some time to prepare. He said that I already had urine backing up into my system and there was a chance I would die during the operation, about a 50% chance. I asked him if the odds would be much worse if we waited until Monday. He told me that it was an added risk, and that, “Mr. Frame, you could be walking next week and fall over dead. So, it is an added risk.”  Seeing as I might die on the table, I took the added risk.

I honestly don’t remember much about that weekend, except praying and doing things that really brought me some joy. The thing that stands out is eating at my favorite Mexican restaurant, Mi Cocina. And just savoring time with my wife primarily. I cared for so many, but that’s what my mind remembers.

The time came. It was to be a 4-to-5-hour surgery, to stabilize my kidneys and urinary pathway. 

At 5 and a half hours, Dr. Fulgham came to my wife, “Mrs. Frame, he’s resting now, but he’s thready. You should contact clergy or any family members you may need to call: he’s not going to make it.” The saddest thing is, no one was available. My cousin, who is a minister, had come by that morning but couldn’t stay. My brothers lived far off, most people were working, and our pastor wasn’t available. We hadn’t informed anyone of just how risky the operation was. She prayed with a dear friend in Panama on the phone, the only person she could get hold of. She had faith.

After about 2 hours of “rest”, I rallied. They were then able to finish the procedure. Instead of 5 hours, it was over 11.

So far, this has been some heavy stuff. But there were always moments of happiness, faith and joy. And even something that’s funny looking back now. I had to have a series of surgeries, that lasted 5 months.

After my second surgery, and recovering for a couple of weeks, it was time for the third surgery prep talk.  Dr. Fulgham started telling me the specifics of what would be done, and the expected recovery time, and right about then, I asked, “Well Doc, what are my chances of dying this time?”   He looked a little surprised and said,” Mr. Frame, there’s no big risk involved.  That was just for the first surgery.” So, I had gone into and through the second surgery really concerned about survival, but it really wasn’t that risky!  We both kind of laughed about that, though he did apologize profusely for not making that clear before the second operation. There was always a risk, but not a huge risk.

After 6 months, tons of pain and problems, I was back at work. But kidney stones still followed me. If you have kidney stone problems, I beg you to check the health button below.

Years later… I accidentally took a double dose of Metoprolol, passed out behind the wheel, and got slammed by two cars — and spun clean across the highway.

Looking at the car, death or at least crushed legs would have been expected. But….

My legs were bruised and sprained, but nothing was broken. Another miracle. It took a few months to get back to normal.

Four times I very well should have died.

I’m 64 now.

Still here.

Still moving.

Still fighting.

And now, another story.  Look, I know this is long and may have you wondering, “Where’s the part that helps ME?” Before the next challenge, the next problem, IT IS TIME TO TELL YOU THE FUNDAMENTAL TRUTHS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE. These are NON-NEGOTIABLE.

1 ) THE MOST IMPORTANT ACTION YOU CAN TAKE: HAVE FAITH!! If you don’t believe that your path WILL improve, and that it’s yours to map and follow, you will fail. Faith matters, even if you’re an atheist.

When I was born, I couldn’t make a conscious decision to have faith. But many, many others did. I believe that without that faith, I wouldn’t have made it. Because of faith, doctors didn’t just give up. They did the blood transfusion, they cared for me as best they could. They hoped I would survive, but FAITH in their training and in the abilities kept them doing what had to be done. And yes, as a Christian, I believe my family and friends faiths mattered. We are told to bring our cares to HIM, and they did.

When my mouth blew up, and I was in the hospital, I never gave up. I didn’t know exactly how bad I was but I wanted to live! To feel better! I prayed as best I could with Brother Bill, given my fever. I cried and was very scared. But I trusted God that things would get better. They did. I believe faith helped.

During my kidney stone saga, I refused to think I would die on the table. I refused to accept God was through with me. Faith helped me do what I had to do to recover from the surgeries, and to quit the Hydrocodone with 2 pills left. And to never abuse pain killers. One thing is true: even if you’re an atheist, faith matters.

After my accident, I refused to accept less than normal. At least, normal for me. I walk, drive a scooter, live in the Philippines, snorkel, and played 4 games of Pickleball this morning.  I had faith I could figure it out.

AS much as I love the Lord, life has shown me this truism: Faith is strong in itself — not necessarily just in God. Without faith you probably won’t succeed.

AND WITHOUT FAITH, YOU WON’T DO THE SECOND PART!

2) TAKE ACTION!!!! Hope is a motivator, and if you’re still here, you must be hopeful. And you must be contemplating the power of faith. 

You may be sitting there wondering, “OK, I believe that I can start making things better. That dude did it, so can I! But how? What’s the first step? “. I want you to take a reality check. As you sit there, just what could you do in the next 5 seconds? Here’s a few suggestions: spit. Cuss. Bend over. Stop reading. Grab your device and throw it across the room. Call a friend. Pee yourself. Call for takeout. Pick up a pen and doodle on your hand. Scream. Turn on the TV. Or get a piece of paper, or type on your device, a list of all the problems you have. Or a list of the most fanciful dreams you can imagine.

Hopefully, you’re getting the idea. Second to second, we can make an almost unlimited number of choices. Literally what, hundreds of thousands? Millions?  Each of those choices directs the path we follow. So what action should you take first?

It’s up to you. People get motivated in different ways. Make a list of all your problems you need to overcome? Write and dream about the future you want to have? Take a nap, and start later?

I do have a suggestion that is a pretty good place to start.

What are you grateful for in your life? Things, friends, family, money, sports you play, being able to eat? Maybe it’s just being able to breath and read this. Why this first step? Because it points to one thing: you’re a survivor. You’ve made it this far, and maybe, just maybe, you can go a little farther. And a little farther. Every day. We all know they’ll be set backs. But look at what you can be grateful for now, make a list. And when you start to lose hope, look at this list. Gratitude puts your mind in a happy place. And that’s relaxing, even uplifting. If you have a ton of problems, what better way to start, by getting grateful for what you have, and realizing just how much you have accomplished?

The next step is to go ahead and dream a little. Clarify in your mind what you want. Given that things are tough, think about that next step that would start to move the mountains you’re facing. Is it a phone call? Is it getting that leg to move an inch? What starts you toward taking care of that first problem you have? Prioritize your needs. But, before working it all out, and making that big list, what is the first dream you want to tackle? If you’re a hundred thousand in debt, but don’t have cash to pay for your hamburger, get the cash, worry about the debt later. Priorities.

But there’s still one more fundamental non-negotiable truth that simply can’t be ignored. Faith and action are the tools to self-create, but no person is an island unto themselves. So, ultimate truth number 3:

3) YOU NEED OTHER PEOPLE!!!

For some of you, this may be the hardest to face. Anything that matters, involves others. Period. From the hundreds of religions to the millions of clubs and organizations that exist today, to the doctors, doormen, waiters, waitresses, and the farmers that grow your food, all are people that are vitally necessary to survival. And happiness. So it’s a fact. As much as gravity. Unlike the other truths, this involves other people directly.

Finding reliable friends and family can seem impossible to some. So what to do? Start with family, if you have any you trust. If you have a trusted friend, ask them to help you grow your circle. Or if you’re in long term care, maybe a nurse or assistant can be a friend. There are always groups of all kinds and interests, another possibility. And well, this is where my own personal faith comes in. Find a church. God can lead you to the best friends you can have. Finding a good church can be as easy as looking on the internet. Despite the problems that make news headlines constantly, many Bible believing churches have great people who want to help. And to make friends. My best friends in Dumaguete fall into believers and non-believers. But I started attending a Bible Study group early on. It was easy to make friends there. Not everyone is trustworthy. But the odds are better than in most bars. Although literally I have very good friends that I met at a bar. It’s a story, but not for right now. Unfortunately, the US seems much harder to find connections now. Or least, when I left. Put simply, you have to be brave. To have faith. Put yourself out there. But also watch for trouble.

*** VERY IMPORTANT: If you’re in a dangerous or abusive situation, get away immediately! Police and social workers do care. DON’T BE A VICTIM. Have faith you can make a better way, and take action! A great thing about life is that there are so many people who do care, who do LOVE. Reach out. I certainly owe many people for my life.

IF YOU GET NOTHING ELSE FROM ME, LET IT BE THIS: to take action with faith to stop being a victim.

IT’S YOUR LIFE: SAVE IT!

Each one of these truths has so many things that spring from them. And all those 5 second moments we talked about? They end up being your life.

Today, after a 30+ year career in IT, including 22 years at Dallas College, formerly Dallas County Community College District, It’s turned out alright.

Right now is a good time to remind you: I’m just a guy. A guy that’s faced a ton of problems, and has survived well enough to live in the Philippines with a fiancé and renting a 3 bedroom home and leading a comfortable, but not rich, life. I’m not a doctor, nor do I have any degree in any medical field, or in finance, or a Phd. In Theology. I do have a BS in CIS, and several certifications in the IT field, and obtained a Security Guard license in the state of Texas, sans weapon. And at last count, I have held 30+ jobs in my life. I have learned through it all. And that’s what I’m sharing with you now.

We now know the truths of how we move forward. But how do we apply these truths into every facet of our lives? At this point, we really need to define those parts of our lives that matter most. In order of importance, where stress is concerned, and importance to our lives. Spiritual need is the most important to me, so that’s an area to explore. Second to that, is our health. To perform well against what we face, we need to have the stamina to face what we need to do. The third is financial. Boy, that’s a big one for most of us. Put me in that camp. The fourth is relationships – as crucial as they are, the other concerns are more pressing when there is a problem. Hell, sickness and death, broke in the streets, then friends and family and love interests, though these areas often overlap in real life.

By now, we’ve identified our first big problem to attack, from our earlier work. Now is the perfect time to list out and categorize other weights that need to be lifted from our shoulders. I would suggest just the top 5 to start. Still one bite at a time.

Below, choose the option that best describes that first most pressing problem. After a discussion of just what we will try to accomplish, and any education that may be necessary, we’ll come up with a plan to take control of the situation, The goal is to move from fear to action, and find peace in dealing with what seems insurmountable.